I believe forward thinking is important and that it is not productive to dwell on the past. That being said, I do think it is important to reflect on the past.

Thinking about the current status of my life— thinking about how I finally decided to move forward with out looking back— I thought I’d share with you, 10 things I wish I would have known 20 years ago. Some of them are major and some are small things but they are all things that I think are important and that I wish I knew a long time ago.

1. Do not let OTHERS define who you are. 

Decide who you are independent from anyone else and BE that person. I spent too much time in my teens and early twenties trying to be like people who I thought had it together, people who I thought were more successful than myself, and it wasn’t until I hit my forties that I became totally comfortable with who I was.

2. Do not compromise yourself just so you can feel loved.

In my case, this was a byproduct of my massive insecurity. I was desperate to find and hold onto someone who “loved” me because I thought if I lost them, I wouldn’t find anyone else to love me.  It wasn’t until I met my husband Keith, that I knew what it was like to be genuinely loved.

3. Don’t be afraid to take pictures during the scary times. 

I wish we had taken more pictures when I had cancer. My treatments lasted almost 1 1/2 years during the time that my daughter, Kira,  grew from a baby to a toddler. I can’t remember a lot of what happened while I was sick and pictures would help. And had I actually died, I would have wanted Kira to have as many pictures as possible.

4. Do not overlook your talents.  

We all have a gift and if you think you don’t, ask some of your closed loved ones–they will likely know what it is. I literally wasted almost 14 years NOT doing one of the things I am best at and that makes me the most happy. WTF?!  Don’t let that be you!

5. You don’t have to go to school but if you do, you’ll open doors that would have forever remained closed.

I have more student loan debt than I’d like to acknowledge but I know that it was necessary for me. Had I not gone to college, I would have made a career out of corrections and would be eligible to retire in 2 years BUT I wouldn’t have been able to use my mind as much as I do now. AND graduating from college gave me a sense of self-worth and accomplishment that I wouldn’t have otherwise experienced.

6. Wear sunscreen–a lot of sunscreen. 

The age spots are creeping up on me and I can barely get my mascara out of the lines under my eyes. That is all.

7. Let your kids see you cry and show them that it is ok to show their emotions. 

My daughter is tough, she’s been through a lot, especially the last few years. Her resiliency makes me proud but it makes me sad to see her hold in her emotions. I should have led by example.

8. Do not expect that anything you planned for your future will actually happen. 

I asked my husband a few months ago, “Why can’t we have a normal life?”  I was feeling a little sorry for myself and was complaining about how almost everything we envisioned our lives to be had changed. His reply….”This IS normal.”  So I got myself together and accepted that there are no guarantees and that everyone has shit to deal with….and you just can’t plan for some of it.

9. Stay connected to the people you love and spend time with friends. 

You cannot get time back. At one point several years ago, I was so absorbed in the business that I owned, that I realized I had put everyone and everything else on the back burner. Although there were many positive things that came from my business venture, I cannot get back the time I wasted away from my family and friends.

10. START NOW!!!

It is not too late, I don’t care what it is. Do it now— because tomorrow isn’t promised but if tomorrow comes, you want to make sure you are prepared to be happy!

Tell me….what is ONE thing you wish you would have known 20 years ago?