I worry…sometimes a lot but less than I used to.

In order to manage, I spend a lot of time trying to focus on what is really important, what I can change and what I can’t. Basically putting things into perspective.

BUT, sometimes it is difficult. Recently I seem to worry more about little things rather than big things. I find it is easier to change my perspective about things that I KNOW I have no control over but I seem to obsess about smaller things that I could change.

For example…

In the last few months I have gained a few extra pounds. A few doesn’t seem like much but when you’re just under 5’1″, every ounce shows. I can’t really figure out when it happened, the pounds just kind of snuck up on me. Honestly it’s not a huge surprise, my diet is less than stellar (if you read #4 in this post you know exactly what I mean) and although I teach a few Zumba classes a week, I can’t eat like I did when I was teaching 10 classes a week. PLUS I’ll be 43 this year and, well you know…like I said, should I really be surprised?

As my pants continued to get little tighter, I started to obsess over what I looked like. I’ve felt kind of crappy, and honestly a little pathetic. I have tried to adjust my eating habits…cutting down on, but not eliminating sugar, and massively cutting down on soda in hopes that will make a difference.

And then I realized, I needed to put things in perspective…

As much as I like to eat and as much as I hate those few extra pounds, I can’t help but remember a time when I could barely eat or hold food down and couldn’t maintain an even healthy weight.

What helped me change my attitude?

CANCER!

If you’ve ever gone through, or seen someone else go through chemotherapy, you know that it can wreak havoc on your body and your system. I managed to beat cancer over 20 years ago but it was such a hard fight that sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.

The chemotherapy had MANY terrible side effects, one of which was uncontrollable nausea. The urge to vomit was severe and I could feel it coming on almost immediately following a treatment. Sometimes I’d barf all the way home, my poor mom handing me plastic bags or sitting with me on the curb until I was done. The doctors prescribed me anti-nausea medication but it barely helped. In addition to the chemo induced puking, I was taking so much pain medication that I’d either be asleep and forget to eat or would be nauseous from those meds.

Then, something unexpected happened. It started slowly…it was difficult to swallow, it hurt to chew, it even hurt to drink water. It became so excruciating that we called finally called the doctor. The diagnosis…thrush in my mouth. Thrush is disgusting, it’s basically a fungus and I got it because my body couldn’t fight off it’s own bacteria.

Not only did the chemotherapy make me nauseous and prevent my body from itself, it made everything taste like a metal spoon. It wasn’t the worst thing but on the rare occasion I felt like eating, it tasted terrible. Chemotherapy ruined everything….BUT it also saved my life.

The trickle down effect…

As a result of my food intake difficulties, I lost an enormous amount of weight. I’m talking SUPER SKINNY. Allow me to paint the picture…

Before cancer I probably weighed about 120lbs. Over the next year or so, I steadily shed pounds until I reached an all time low of 89lbs. I was so thin that I would make jokes (totally inappropriate but pretty accurate) to my mom about looking like a starving child from Africa with flies stuck to my face. At one point I had to take steroids for about a month which astronomically increased my appetite. I felt like I was starving. I couldn’t make it through the night without waking up to eat. I ordered a medium pizza, extra cheese, and ate the entire thing at once. Yet I didn’t gain weight…yea, I was that sick!

How has this helped change my perspective?

It might seem obvious. Maybe it isn’t. Regardless, as I became more and more worried about what is really a very small weight gain, I realized I needed to put myself in check and change my perspective. What seems like a big deal isn’t squat in comparison to what I’ve already experienced. Talk about feeling pathetic…how dare I beat myself up over a few pounds, over having to adjust my diet, over EATING?!

What is really important?

NOT counting every little pound, causing myself anxiety over how tight my pants feel. Worrying about what I look like, worrying about how I should start eating better, worrying about food…none of those things are really that important. What is important is that I am here today! 

Will I eat better? Yes.

Will I make sure I continue to workout? Yes.

Will I cut out sugar? No!

Will I enjoy life? ABSOLUTELY!

The lesson here isn’t about those extra pounds at all. The lesson is that whatever the “problem” is, there is always a different way to look at it. 

The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem–Captain Jack Sparrow

Do you have a hard time putting things into perspective? If so, I hope my story helps you.

Do you draw on a particular experience when faced with a problem? I’d love to hear!