Just not always a GOOD reason…
I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but I cringe every time I hear it, someone just trying to be supportive, trying to make me feel better, trying to help explain away the unexplainable…
“Everything happens for a reason.”
As if simply saying it puts a positive spin on the situation.
“Why yes”, I want to reply. “Things do happen for a reason but sometimes that reason SUCKS.”
I feel like I’ve lived a 100 years. I’ve experienced so many things in my life…some of them have been amazing and make me want to shout to the heavens how happy I am! Some of them wear on me, they cause me to worry, to second guess myself, to question my purpose, to ask why me? I feel like I’ve weathered the storm of all storms.
I try to maintain a positive approach to life and I appreciate each day that I wake up, truly (although I actually hate waking up…true story, check out #18 ). But sometimes, especially the last 2 years, I wonder what the hell is going on. When are things going to go my way?
2014 started off terrible and while there is no need to review all the details, you can learn more about what happened here. The condensed version is that my step-daughter, Korin, was murdered on February 1, 2014 by the father of her child. It was, and still is, very surreal. I remember constantly wondering how we’d ever move on. While this single event was traumatic enough alone, it was the catalyst to many many more heartaches and problems that we would experience.
As a result of Korin’s death, my husband andI gained custody of our then 9 month-old granddaughter, Kayva. We prepared to raise Kayva, never envisioning we would be parents in our 40’s, but ready to give it our one hundred percent best effort. We spent the next 14 months fighting with every ounce of energy we had to maintain custody of Kayva. In the end, the court system failed and we lost Kayva.
Over the last 2 years, I’ve experienced significant disappointment, discouragement, disbelief, and disgust. Some of it is related to my career, some is related to my family, some is related to me, some to the world in general. Much of it I will never share with anyone, but I silently tally it all in my mind, making a list of all the storms I’ve survived. And with each storm, I try to find the good, the REASON, the moral of the story, the purpose of the storm because we all know that everything happens for a reason, right?
Yes, things DO happen for a reason but it doesn’t have to be a GOOD reason. Something good can’t come from every bad situation. Sometimes it just means creating something new.
The moral of this story? Maybe it’s that I know that I can survive the storm. So I know that when I feel like I’ve reached the end, like things can’t get worse, like I’m exhausted from the fight or the stress, I know that I can survive. I just need to adjust my sails and make a new plan.
And that is precisely what I have done. I did not write this post to complain. I wrote it to tell the world that I have a new outlook and that big things are coming. When I started this blog it was because I had finally come to a place in my life where I could finally breathe and focus on me, to take advantage of my life and focus on my artwork. I have never been more committed to doing exactly that. I am CREATING my own SUNSHINE and a new story.
“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”—Mo Willems
Have you ever found yourself in the wrong “story?” Did you create something new? I’d love to hear!
I read your post yesterday and had to think on it a while before posting. I struggle a lot with the explanation that things happen for a reason. As a Christian, I also frequently hear that things are “God’s will” and He gives us challenges to strengthen us. I cannot accept that a loving God would permit a child to be abused in order to teach him/her something or give a young mother cancer to make her stronger. I don’t have an answer and I suspect no one does and that is why we make up theories for why bad things happen and we put a positive spin on it by saying it is happening for a reason. I choose to believe there is Evil in this world because the Devil is active and easily influencing us when we let him in by living a less than honest life and altering our senses with illegal drugs or excessive alcohol.
I recently had a shift in thinking also. I had been wallowing in resentment and bitterness. I heard a sermon about not letting the Devil get a stronghold in your life. I realized I had not only let him in but he was subletting space in me. Just that realization alone gave me the ability to rid myself of those feelings and consciously decide to move on with acceptance and the knowledge that my life will be what I make of it. I am excited to think that it is never too late to start something new and I can continue to grow and expand my experiences. Your posts have been a wonderful accompaniment to my journey. Thanks, Tawnya!
I completely agree…I can’t see a reason for many of the evil things that happen. Especially when bad things happen to children. And just because someone is stronger as a result of something evil, it doesn’t mean that whatever happened was the ONLY way to become stronger. And I also hear things like “It’s God’s will” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”…forgive my language but I call bullshit on that. With regards to your shift in thinking…that reminds me of a something I will be writing about in the future…letting things go, including resentment and bitterness!
Thank you so much for reading my blog and for your comments <3
This is the same as when people say: believe in God… in your case, did God want Korin to die that young, that day? Where was” he” at this moment? Where is the reason behind this? We all have our stories… Personally, sometimes I wonder where the reason is… I would like to hear your opinion about Believing in (or not) God.. If God is so good, why are all these horrible things happening in this world? Thanks Tawnya, love your blog! <3
I wonder the same thing…did God want Korin to die and did God want Kayva to lose both her parents?? I can see how this situation has made me and my family stronger but what benefit does it have to Kayva?
To answer your question about God….I am not religious and my opinion about God is neutral. I have no reason to believe he/she either exists or does not exist and expect I might have to wait until I die to find out. I do, however, believe something exists.
I did believe in the power of prayer (for those that have something/someone they pray to) at one point but after the last 2 years, I’ve lost a lot of faith in it all. I’m still hopeful and positive and reveling in all the good that DOES exist.
Thanks for reading my posts! <3
I know how tough the last few years have been. You have been so strong … for Keith, Kira, Kayva and Mack! Now it is your turn. I am so happy that now you are creating your own sunshine. You are a ray of sunshine to so many people! Keep creating, as you do it so well!!!! Love you lots, girlfriend!
You are such a wonderful friend, so blessed with you in my life lady <3
I have been thinking about this for a couple of days. Your friends have said everything beautifully in previous comments. I use to believe everything happens for a reason but the more I think about it, I don’t know if I believe that anymore. Some things just can’t be explained. Keep writing. I look forward to every post.
I am totally with you. The older I get, the less I try to find the “positive” in every situation. Sometimes it just is and we change the direction we were headed. Thanks for reading, commenting, sharing, love you<3!