Why I draw...

I was not a very creative child. I didn't spend a lot of time drawing or painting. I never really possessed a passion for art. I remember watching my dad, a phenomenal artist, draw and  paint but it wasn't something I did. In high school, I was inspired by a fabulous art teacher. I started taking as many art classes as I could. I joined the Advanced Placement Graphic Design program at my school. It was at this point that I developed a love for art. 

Unfortunately, I did not possess the drive to follow my passion.  During my junior year, I went to a college fair where I learned about schools like Colorado Art Institute and Rocky Mountain School of Design. I was very interested but very hesitant. They told us we would have to submit a portfolio in order to apply to the school and because I had no faith in myself and no real direction, I decided art school was not be an option for me.  

I briefly I considered going to school to become a graphic designer but knew it really wasn't my strength and was told it would be too hard to find a job. I abandoned that dream, graduated from high school, had a child, got married, got divorced and got cancer all within a time span of 2-years. I still had an artistic fire burning inside me but I felt like it was slowly disappearing.

For the next 8 years or so, as I struggled through life, I secretly dreamt of going to art school. I still had my toolbox of art supplies from high school and I'd draw a little here and there but there was something holding me back...I just could not find a purpose in my art AT ALL. I knew I loved to draw, knew it was something I could do well but I couldn't find a valid REASON to draw so I mostly didn't. Drawing just to DRAW seemed pointless. Why would I just draw a bunch of pictures and then keep them? It made no sense so I basically STOPPED drawing. 

BUT, when I was given the opportunity to go to school full-time in 2001, I just KNEW that I should stay true to my passion, although totally stifled, and major in ART. I spent one year as an art major before changing...made it through a handful of actual art classes, and found myself extremely discouraged. It wasn't the experience I was hoping for at all. I brought a portrait drawing in for a classroom critique and my instructor told me if he wanted to see a drawing that looked so realistic, he would have just taken a picture. I was crushed. I realized that traditional "fine art school" was not going to help me become the artist I envisioned myself being. I would have fit better in an illustration program but I didn't have private art school funds so once again, I STOPPED drawing. 

So began about a 15-year lapse in my life as an artist. I had no reason to draw, didn't think anyone would want to see what I created, couldn't find my direction and was overall simply afraid of failing. What if  drew something that no one wanted to see? Better to not try. 

I secretly wanted to draw but deep down was to afraid to start again. But in 2014, my perspective on life changed when my step-daughter, Korin, was killed. We hear it all the time...make the most of each day, each day is a gift, live each day like it's the last...blah blah blah. I got a wake up call like no other and decided shortly thereafter that I needed to make some changes in my life. One of those changes was to stop wasting time and START drawing again. 

That's what I did, one of my first drawings was of Kayva, Korin's daughter. It seemed a perfect subject given the circumstances. Fast forward to 2018...so much has changed since I made a commitment to get back in the game and do what I love. I've grown as an artist and as a person and I'm no longer afraid of failure. Drawing keeps me grounded, allows me to set my anxieties about life aside, gives me purpose, fosters my imagination, allows me to inspire others, and just makes me happy. Also, I've realized that following my passion allows me to live an authentic life and THAT, ultimately, IS WHY I DRAW!